Happy Siblings Day?!

Happy Siblings day I just knew it falls on April 11^th, until then I am not sure how many of us are not talking, remembering or counting that we have siblings?

I see lot of people posted pictures with their brother/ sisters on twitter, few on Instagram I ain’t on Facebook though where people are trying to share if they are Feeling, irritated, frustrated, inspired or happy or whatever it is that they want to show the world, and the twitter’s 142 characters is more for me to handle in a day. Back to the grind, I mean really?  you need  day to realize that you have a sibling and you need to wish them, remember them today of all 365 days in a year? Who started this shit? Who is Saint Valentine?  Where all this is coming from ?

Mother, Father, Brother, Sister, everyone has a day in this New age world to celebrate, wish, remember or to post a pic on “social media” which mostly is caused by a mental health disorder called Social mediarrhea”. Coz its become more like a pissing competition , we need to show to the world that we are a part of this so called globalization ( world under one umbrella- as they say! ), and we celebrate everything by posting a picture or sharing one? If you need a day to appreciate and realize the value of human relations I wonder if we are living with the support of robots in our daily life, or what?

I don’t think you can just live it up alone, you will need and by far you are driven by all the people around you every single day who mean something to you. We don’t choose our siblings, they are predestined, we choose our friends, and we live with them practically. Of all the things I remember in life, I love my childhood the most. I remember how close I was with my siblings, cousins and other kids in the family. We didn’t have everything, but our parents made sure we had what we need, and they always did . I am sure you would agree with me on this. They made sacrifices they have put down their little happiness’s aside for our sake, and ensured we are happy, siblings always had our back, when I had less marks on my report card and I was afraid to take it to my Dad/ Mom, when I needed that extra 25Rs for that weekend movie or when I was caught with a half pack cigarettes left in my pants hanged at the back of the door in my bedroom. And more importantly I remember we used to add water to the curd to ensure we all had enough to eat rice with. I mean these are the memories  I have and as I see, they are the best portion of my life and they are small and nameless moments I spent smiling with someone who mattered to me and they still do. Now I see in this post Y2K  I need to find  a day to celebrate every relation, and every bond and I totally forgot about friendship day if I know correctly it falls on 1^st Sunday of August in every year. And Some morons do celebrate friendship week also 😊

I feel blessed to stay in the company of great friends, who always have my back. I can call them anytime of the day or night and I know they will be there when I need. I try to call my siblings every day almost to check with them on how they are and how good their kids are growing up to be better than us, and Most of all Mother and Father, If you really think you need a day to remember them or to do something for them , then I really feel sorry for you. It’s a circle of life guys, they are growing old,  they may have less time left in some cases ( no offense but let’s get real we never know, do we?) Lets take care of them value their time, respect for what they did to us. Before the so called Regret hits real hard on our face!  Most of us by this time should have realized that they were always right with us,  no matter how much we thought they are against our will or wish to do something when we were in our teens.

At the end note its people. People are the best and the worst thing that will happen to us, Some will help us go further, others will pull us down to their level and help you lose. Most are OK. Many are average. Some will be excellent. A few people will change your life forever, and we need to find them and that’s  our goal. We don’t need a lot of friends or people around us, we need amazing people who for you as much as you do for them unintentionally and unconditionally . I just feel the right things now a days that we should be able to Plan in Decades, Think in years , Work in Months and Live in days. And perhaps after three and half decades- I feel much comfortable in my own skin because the poor thing is also not as tight as it used to be 😊

Love, Laughter and Peace forever!! 

A Traditionalist

The Traditionalist

I know my life is a  square , its so square that I end up at the same place after making three right turns, and I am a traditionalist, with small dreams, who wants to be a little successful ( may be want things to work for us - which we are working for – my little  bunch of weird group ) , and a lot peaceful. Life was always good, it’s just that we all make it complicated in our own space and leisure Yeah , kinda wanting more than how much we need, doing things which don’t add up to a right cause, or right things at the end.

In this swiftly changing times where we are taught that murder is wrong,  but only if a human is murdered, and we are taught hunting is a sport and serial killers are bad, and may be jail is for punishment but the Zoo’s are fun place for animals? I see they do a lot of “teaching” you, and isn’t it the time you start thinking for yourself?  We are taught and informed by the so called media, social media and shit about who is doing what - bad and less of who intends to be or do good?  The bad travels fast and news changes faster don’t we all need something new, something better, bigger every single day to know and  to talk about?

Trying to be the truest version of myself, sometimes wanting to be alone is the best thing in the world. As a traditional stereotype kinda guy who still wants to dream about the impossible things without the realists bringing me down. Trust me its so damn relaxing to be free of others expectations (setting aside your moral responsibilities towards your, loved ones,  family and society). I don’t want to be liked, accepted or validated anymore. I don’t give a shit. Period. Can I be like this I don’t think so. The traditionalistic mentality again, smile when you don’t want to, like what you don’t , for the sake of others to keep the mundane life going and typically praying the God to put his arm on my shoulder and his hand over my mouth 'coz I know my tongue is firmly in my cheek, to make enough space for foot in my mouth like always?!

Defining you is like restricting you, you are not who you are every single day, you are wiser, smarter, and better. May be the only time one has to be defined is when he/ she becomes a corpse only then there is no room to redefine yourself anymore, unknowingly we all are a work in progress, we update, upgrade, add wrinkles, loose hair, get grey and so on, whether you accept it or not. Just that you express yourself more when you were a kid and start fading that quality as you grow old( growing up is an option though).

Sometimes the distance between my ears questions me if I can find a  GPS to my life’s journey, I truly want to check how far have I come and is my speed in limit?! I might want to adjust my speed and time until I approach my final destination or eventually death? Or I just want to take the nearest next exit, so I can stretch myself, unwind and grab a bite or a cup of coffee to be refreshed along with few others who matter -  Y’all have a great day ahead while I go back to twitter to check what Trump has tweeted – at least not for finding out or concluding what bad he wants to do, but for some entertainment from this self-centered narcissistic prick- I am a traditionalist remember ?

Reluctant eccedentesiast

I Guard my treasures, My Will, My Thoughts and most of all My Freedom- #Ayn Rand

But what is life without having a comfortable air to breath where you can be yourself, far from false pretense. I have been a reluctant  eccedentesiast  for a while now. More and more of us are lying in this false pretense to impress someone or to please someone in day to day lives, when do we actually be ourselves, which means being us who we truly are, portraying what we didn’t do, saying what we didn’t know, heights of superficiality eye pop, jaw drop moments throughout the fucking day has led me to scribble something like this.

We are getting older by minutes, many of us think if we really are happy? After having my body circled the Sun for 34 times and just started experiencing wrinkled maturity I have understood that the only way to live is to be yourself completely and I’ve learnt the hard way that you cannot do that, if you do, you are a contrast to the world I am sure there is no such place where you can be literal, candid without being misquoted or mistaken. I mean it’s hard for me to understand why don’t the world let us be ourselves, I will decide what I choose to show or tell you or how I choose to be, I don’t want to be tamed, advised or suggested to do this do that all the time. I am not your pet dog. Being useful is good, one can make use of you as much as they want, all they would gain is some monitory reward but then, one needs to understand that you can use but you cannot exploit.

Don’t whine - one of my friend says, perhaps he was right, no actually he is, whiners don’t accomplish anything what so ever. Accept no bull shit, give no bull shit - was my mantra and now I find myself taking piles and piles of bull shit continuously having seen things happen which are not supposed to be, and still  not able to do shit about it?  am I a mahatma Gandhi or something to fix things for the world?  but having bull shit happen to my own self and not able to do anything is the pain, and I hate being eccedentesiast- I no longer have energy for meaningless friendships, forced interactions or unnecessary conversations, what keeps me hooked up is the direction I chose to sail.

Ultimately happiness relies on how we establish a solid sense of self or being. Happiness does not lie in outward appearances or in vanity. It is the matter of what you feel inside, it quite a deep resonance in our lives, to be filled each day a rewarding sense of exhilaration and purpose a sense of tasks accomplished and deep fulfillment. I would like to feel this way I don’t want to feel empty on the inside, when the contributions are not valued or respected and credibility is taken away at every juncture , twist and turn of life, and we as people are just used , misused and exploited,  the voices are heard, that ringing sound when I hear while its quiet at the night just before sleep or during my insomniac times. And I felt it happens only when we are quiet patient and may be a little lucky, we will be able to hear it, and we will hear things about past , present and future, when we hear it there is a message to move on, explore the horizons and push the limits. We do no longer need safe zones to protect our fragile ego, we need big , new scary ideas that challenge our beliefs and expand our thinking, Thoughts that will offend us, hurt our feelings and stomp on our toes to make us mad, we got to tell ourselves to stop being victims we got to grow up,  we got to move on, instead of waiting on the other side of the tracks trying to find the meaning of life…

One of my good friends told me a joke, I laughed to tears, he told me the same joke again and I laughed a little less, not as hard. When he repeated it again twice I never got to stretch my lips – If we cannot laugh for the same joke over and over again why should we cry over things and people who can cause us hurt over and over again? Growing up for me is a part of being honest with myself first, About what I want, what I need, what I feel and who I am and now I trust to myself that I am a reluctant eccedentesiast with  a wrinkled maturity…..

Rendezvous with imperfections....

 How perfect are your imperfections? I tell ya they are all perfect, our every inner imperfection is in fact perfect and that’s what truly makes us who we are, isn’t it? As I take a peek into some of my imperfections, start with enjoying them, owning them completely and accepting myself that today is the youngest I’ll ever be and started appreciating it, and It’s also the oldest I’ve ever been, started acting like it.

With all the vim and vigor we start off in our lives to achieve something, to reach somewhere, to make something for us and our people . Either you attract yourself to extreme light or bare darkness, that’s a purely a human’s choice that’s how it is, there will be something and somewhere that makes people tick, and that’s what I would be interested in ,in what people try to hide. I think I fall in love with anyone who shows me their soul. This world is so guarded and fearful, and I appreciate rawness so much.  A Man is what he does not show, all that is visible is what we wants to show the world otherwise we have a complete jungle of secrets hid inside of each one of us, many of them would be our imperfections, our fears and sometimes our scars, they teach us what we have learnt, where we have been and what we have survived a storm, an accident, a surgery, and numerous failures all in one package is what we are gifted with.

It’s totally okay to have those short comings, flaws and imperfections, and I say it’s okay because every saint had a past and every sinner has a future. I have abnormal ears, I don’t walk fast usually,  I’ve graduated my masters pretty late than others of my age,  I still made it happen. I am not here to fill this space or I am not here to play a back ground character in someone else’s movie, I know nothing would be the same if I didn’t exist, every place I have ever been, every person I have spoken with would definitely be different without me. I don’t expect every one of you to agree with me, what I want to say is that even you have  story to tell just like I do. We are all effected by decisions and existence of the people around us and trust me we will continue to.

Its not always what you say out loud has the most power, what you whisper to yourself inside is the most powerful. Embrace what we have with us, what we experience - struggle, failure, pain, whatever at least we will know how it feels like to win or to be happy or to have enjoyed good health and wellbeing. We don’t have to prove anything to anyone, as long as you are happy, the one who needs your explanation will not value it anyhow, more than half of the people don’t even pay attention, just like  flashing news for instance: the same news won’t be appear on the front page everyday does it? It will move to second and third pages and eventually vanish within a  short span of time and that’s how the world is, people need to be fed with latest news, gossip, information and within no time they move on to the next one. How much do you care for them, I see a lot of us are already spending the money which they didn’t earn to buy things they don’t need in the verge of impressing the people who don’t matter, four quarters are always be better than a hundred pennies, so let’s choose our quarters wisely.

Let’s enjoy and embrace our imperfections let’s not loath, we own them we are made of them,  It’s not our fault, it’s okay not to be so hard on ourselves, everyone else is taken, so let’s be ourselves. Nothing lasts forever so live it up drink it down. You either be  voice or an echo, as I see in this hyper opinionated age I wonder how many of us realize that the things we say are just echoes? This culture we live in is an absolute chaos, where lies sell better than the truth, like it has accepted two huge lies, first is that if you disagree with someone’s lifestyle you must fear or hate them. The second is that when you love someone that means you agree with everything they believe or do…. Both are bull shit you just don’t know the real them, if you do, you will change your perception with in a  fraction of a second, the question is how much time will you be ready to invest in this one? I say none , my passion and my compassion has no set timings, and I don’t think I have to compromise my convictions to be compassionate.

The concierge of my inner thoughts will shut down now as I ask myself who am I?  Demon to some and angel to others, and I can truly say that I have lost and loved and won and cried myself to the person I am today…

Candid Confessions....

‘this moment’ - this is all we have, its painfully true but yes, if you think closely this is all we got. My yesterday is gone before I could plan on doing something, I am looking forward for tomorrow which I hope it to be better, in the verge of expecting tomorrows and regretting yesterday’s today is buried before it could breathe peacefully. Even though there are days I wish I could change somethings that happened in the past, there is the reason the rear view mirror is so small and the windshield is so big, where we have headed is much more important than what we’ve left behind.

Sometimes I feel if anyone thinks I have a good life? Or if anyone is praying on having mine as their life? I don’t know, a Child playing outside his home looks at a plane in the sky and dreams of flying in it, and the Pilot who is flying it badly want to come back home, it’s all about what’s missing and not what we have.

As I get older year after year I realize, that If you are not happier as you get older, that means you are totally fucking up. That reminded me that the only time I should ever look back is to see how far I have come, where did I start and when and why?

Being selfish is good sometimes, no matter how much you be available for people, they will just remember you only when they need something from you, that’s how the world is. I am selfish too and I am a lesser mortal and I am selfish abut how can I be happy in my own life, only then I can make people around me happy, At least I know that I cannot pour from an empty cup.

I am homesick sometimes, I just don’t know where the home is. There is this promise of happiness out there. I know it. I even feel it sometimes. Where my silence is understood and my soul is comforted, I don’t need to explain anything to anyone, where I can totally be my own true self and breath, That’s home, that’s what I am sick of, to an extent that it is like chasing the Moon, just when I think I have it, it disappears into the horizon.

It is both blessing and a curse to feel everything intensely, I take it as blessing, because its only later I find that I am cursed. I say that’s the beauty of life, and I will be this. I am who I am. Not who you think I am. Not who you want me to be, I am me and I think, therefore I exist.

Some do drugs, some smoke weed, there is a guy in the lane drinking his way down like fish, there is someone else running in the noon with heavy music playing in his ear phones, at the end we’re all just searching for that tiny little hole that gives us shelter from the terrible reality of the world.

Accepting everything and everyone as they are, was the best way to live according to me so far, at the same time it is taken as if I am giving up on things and people just by accepting them and without making an effort to change things/ people, can we really have control over these for once? Let me end this here flipping a couple of switches in my head pondering over this words and I would still remain a rolling stone stuck in between dreams and destiny.

In terms with life....

In terms with life again ... Oh no, rather life is in terms with me again, guess this will serve as a better statement to put across, tried, tested, weathered, beaten, knocked to the ground knees scraped, dreams shattered at every turn and step - never lose faith, keep hitting bigger, harder, better for what you want to come and kiss your feet and then it will fall at your feet. That day you find the light and then you believe- yes, the hustle was worth it and life, this bitch has to come to terms with you sooner or later it will....and you win.

Bitter sweet experiences, little cheesy insults, inferiority pressing your throat, you can hardly breathe; shoulders crushed and shrugged together lost the way, can't find it anyhow, and cannot ask anyone what to do... May be that's why it is said that the toughest battles are fought in the inner chambers of your mind and heart with you and yourself and never with someone outside... Yes that is 100000% true and you have to live and realize this to feel it. I tell you this feeling is priceless and amazing, one of the most fabulous feelings ever you can experience in life....

Life is not made of consistency. That's how you die one day at a time. Life is made of changes, memories, and wicked plans, and the pleasure that comes from freedom, the freedom which you need to pay certain price for, the freedom for which you need to slog your butt for, the freedom which you need to work to realize day in and day out and there is no short cut.

What are you waiting for? Someone to come and kick your ass? Someone to come teach you which direction to go next or what else to do, if that’s the case then remember, every day, every situation, every step, every turn of life is teaching you something, sending a message for you to observe change, reinvent yourself and move on  and to surrender to the current moment. Serve the moment. It's the only master you need to listen to… if you still have doubts then I suggest you remember why, where and how you started?

Every label you claim you have from before is just vanity. You were a doctor? You were from an IIM or a Harvard of MIT? You had millions? You had a family? Nobody cares. It’s not about money, my friends but money is a decent measuring stick. When people say "it’s not about the money" often they are really saying, "I'm really scared it's ALL about the money."

There will be many days where you don’t love what you are doing. If you are doing it just for love then it will take much much longer than what you planned or thought of achieving. When I love, I'm happy. When I debate, and wonder, and want, and control, and believe, I'm not as happy. Do what you do with love and success is a natural symptom.

At the end of the day it doesn’t matter 'coz eventually you’re dead and then it’s hard to reinvent yourself, while you are alive, stay alive and keep moving…at least you will live on your terms and life will come to your terms sooner or later...

Need for greed

I have a bad habit of being brutally honest and practical, I call it bad habit coz 99.% of the people around me in the small world of mine aren't upfront, honest up to my face, it may hurt, but I would rather prefer a hurting truth than a comforting lie. Not that I don't lie I do, as long as it will help me avoid few extra questions, which needs some explanation about what's going on in my life and I might as well just say I am doing well- I am fine.

Let me tell you something, we cannot and won't always be fine, deep inside we all know it. This does not essentially mean that I am nastily narrow and a negative person and I am not too depressed however, I have gained a conviction to say that I have accepted success and failure with the same smile- it took long to practice and go thru toughest times to be this, but now I am just there having my head high very well in my hands, controlled and having it well tamed - I don't look life from a tragic point of view it's like i don't dramatize life, I would rather live it : what happened, what's happening and what might happen are the sum total of consequences  for the actions of my own and reactions to others actions

A mans relationship with greed is a deeply personal thing, let me not be biased may be I should rather say a human's.. It can be anything for that matter career, money, some materialistic things we crave for, we want to get our hands on , we want to own ? How many times do we actually let out what we want ? To ourselves in the mirror-  Some times it looks like a purest form of greed, may be it is for others but if you want it, then you want it - period!

When I hit the bed at the end of the day all I would imagine is all that good things I want to happen in my life, I am sure most of us do that, make scenarios in our head coz it makes us feel good, to end the day with a good thought or imagination  in fact most of us do this during all the times, coz that one thought can motivate us to take that extra mile, to make things happen the way we want them to.

Every need when met has the end but the greed cannot stop, the moment we get something remember, we lost it! These experiences are expensive but they are worth it trust me they are, never ever forget the value of people, things are always under guarantee / warranty and can be  exchanged or returned but people can't. Once you achieve something the other one drives you to slog your butt all over again, we do find that enjoyment in working for something which we want not something we just need. The only question : what's next ? has all the answers of life hidden in, let's take a moment in solitude to enjoy the present what we got and who we have beside us. The sooner you put that question to yourself the sooner it keeps you from living in that moment.

Wanting not to want is also a want ! Wanting and not wanting are both you. Hence that moment of wanting can never stop. The cart will always be way before the horse, please watch your step during you run.

To sum it up : I am hungry, I can eat only as long as my stomach is full - I would earn my meal,  I would relish it , I relax with a happy belly and I am done! If I could get this feeling to another person- then my life has a meaning!

This was about need - greed - want - all three are extremely essential as long as they won't cross the line :-)