I Guard my treasures, My Will, My Thoughts and most of all
My Freedom- #Ayn Rand
But what is life without having a comfortable air to breath
where you can be yourself, far from false pretense. I have been a
reluctant eccedentesiast for a while now. More and more of us are
lying in this false pretense to impress someone or to please someone in day to
day lives, when do we actually be ourselves, which means being us who we truly
are, portraying what we didn’t do, saying what we didn’t know, heights of
superficiality eye pop, jaw drop moments throughout the fucking day has led me to
scribble something like this.
We are getting older by minutes, many of us think if we
really are happy? After having my body circled the Sun for 34 times and just
started experiencing wrinkled maturity I have understood that the only way to
live is to be yourself completely and I’ve learnt the hard way that you cannot
do that, if you do, you are a contrast to the world I am sure there is no such
place where you can be literal, candid without being misquoted or mistaken. I
mean it’s hard for me to understand why don’t the world let us be ourselves, I
will decide what I choose to show or tell you or how I choose to be, I don’t
want to be tamed, advised or suggested to do this do that all the time. I am
not your pet dog. Being useful is good, one can make use of you as much as they
want, all they would gain is some monitory reward but then, one needs to
understand that you can use but you cannot exploit.
Don’t whine - one of my friend says, perhaps he was right,
no actually he is, whiners don’t accomplish anything what so ever. Accept no
bull shit, give no bull shit - was my mantra and now I find myself taking piles
and piles of bull shit continuously having seen things happen which are not
supposed to be, and still not able to do
shit about it? am I a mahatma Gandhi or
something to fix things for the world? but having bull shit happen to my own self and
not able to do anything is the pain, and I hate being eccedentesiast- I no longer
have energy for meaningless friendships, forced interactions or unnecessary
conversations, what keeps me hooked up is the direction I chose to sail.
Ultimately happiness relies on how we establish a solid
sense of self or being. Happiness does not lie in outward appearances or in
vanity. It is the matter of what you feel inside, it quite a deep resonance in
our lives, to be filled each day a rewarding sense of exhilaration and purpose
a sense of tasks accomplished and deep fulfillment. I would like to feel this
way I don’t want to feel empty on the inside, when the contributions are not valued
or respected and credibility is taken away at every juncture , twist and turn
of life, and we as people are just used , misused and exploited, the voices are heard, that ringing sound when I
hear while its quiet at the night just before sleep or during my insomniac
times. And I felt it happens only when we are quiet patient and may be a little
lucky, we will be able to hear it, and we will hear things about past , present
and future, when we hear it there is a message to move on, explore the horizons
and push the limits. We do no longer need safe zones to protect our fragile
ego, we need big , new scary ideas that challenge our beliefs and expand our
thinking, Thoughts that will offend us, hurt our feelings and stomp on our toes
to make us mad, we got to tell ourselves to stop being victims we got to grow
up, we got to move on, instead of
waiting on the other side of the tracks trying to find the meaning of life…
One of my good friends told me a joke, I laughed to tears,
he told me the same joke again and I laughed a little less, not as hard. When
he repeated it again twice I never got to stretch my lips – If we cannot laugh
for the same joke over and over again why should we cry over things and people
who can cause us hurt over and over again? Growing up for me is a part of being
honest with myself first, About what I want, what I need, what I feel and who I
am and now I trust to myself that I am a reluctant eccedentesiast with a wrinkled maturity…..
