‘this moment’ - this is all we have, its painfully true but
yes, if you think closely this is all we got. My yesterday is gone before I
could plan on doing something, I am looking forward for tomorrow which I hope it
to be better, in the verge of expecting tomorrows and regretting yesterday’s
today is buried before it could breathe peacefully. Even though there are days
I wish I could change somethings that happened in the past, there is the reason
the rear view mirror is so small and the windshield is so big, where we have
headed is much more important than what we’ve left behind.
Sometimes I feel if anyone thinks I have a good life? Or if
anyone is praying on having mine as their life? I don’t know, a Child playing outside
his home looks at a plane in the sky and dreams of flying in it, and the Pilot
who is flying it badly want to come back home, it’s all about what’s missing
and not what we have.
As I get older year after year I realize, that If you are
not happier as you get older, that means you are totally fucking up. That
reminded me that the only time I should ever look back is to see how far I have
come, where did I start and when and why?
Being selfish is good sometimes, no matter how much you be
available for people, they will just remember you only when they need something
from you, that’s how the world is. I am selfish too and I am a lesser mortal
and I am selfish abut how can I be happy in my own life, only then I can make
people around me happy, At least I know that I cannot pour from an empty cup.
I am homesick sometimes, I just don’t know where the home
is. There is this promise of happiness out there. I know it. I even feel it
sometimes. Where my silence is understood and my soul is comforted, I don’t
need to explain anything to anyone, where I can totally be my own true self and
breath, That’s home, that’s what I am sick of, to an extent that it is like
chasing the Moon, just when I think I have it, it disappears into the horizon.
It is both blessing and a curse to feel everything intensely,
I take it as blessing, because its only later I find that I am cursed. I say
that’s the beauty of life, and I will be this. I am who I am. Not who you think
I am. Not who you want me to be, I am me and I think, therefore I exist.
Some do drugs, some smoke weed, there is a guy in the lane
drinking his way down like fish, there is someone else running in the noon with
heavy music playing in his ear phones, at the end we’re all just searching for
that tiny little hole that gives us shelter from the terrible reality of the
world.
Accepting everything and everyone as they are, was the best
way to live according to me so far, at the same time it is taken as if I am
giving up on things and people just by accepting them and without making an
effort to change things/ people, can we really have control over these for
once? Let me end this here flipping a couple of switches in my head pondering
over this words and I would still remain a rolling stone stuck in between
dreams and destiny.
