State of Mind at 39

 

State of mind at 39.

 

To be understood is to be home. It is either you do, or you do not.  End of the day the world is not going to believe you when you say that you tried. Coz the trials are not visible just like as in a vaccine. Either we have it or do not. Its only people, the ones who try to be involved with our life would know and appreciate the fact that we are trying.  Indeed, it’s tough to actually find such kind of people in a lifetime when you do please hold on to them.

 

I have slowly learnt that even when I react it won’t change anything. It won’t make people suddenly love or respect me and it definitely won’t change their attitudes or mindsets, people will remain who they are,  the one who cheats would cheat, the one who is honest would remain so.

 

Sometimes there is much more peace when we just let things be, let people go, and do not fight for closure. Closure matters but you do not get it always, it’s better to stop trying. Do not chase answers don’t expect people to understand where you are coming from.

 

And I am slowly learning that life is better lived when you don’t center it on what’s happening around you and rather center it around what is happening inside of you. Work on yourself and for your own inner peace.  

 

If you are the person who is always there for others, know that your heart is rare, know that you make people feel wanted and that you make people feel seen, you make them feel like they have a purpose. But from time to time you need to remind yourself that you deserve to take all the energy you put out into the roll and invest back into yourself. You are also worthy of the love you keep giving to everybody else. Take a break and nourish the softness inside you. 

 

The real love amounts to let a person be what he/she really is. Most people love you for who you pretend to be, to keep their love we keep pretending, performing and it’s a loop which never ends and we get caught up in this poisonous pretentious circle  to an extent that we will end up forgetting who we really are . You are chained to that performance and let people like you and rate you for how well you do so. When you stop pretending that’s when people will hate you, as you don’t meet their standards anymore and you will eventually be distant and blurry to their eyes. 

 

Sometimes we just need to go far away just to realize who is closer to us. First, we become closer to yourselves work and invest in yourselves and let them right people find you. It might take time and I am sure it will in some cases, but we will end up in the right company and the flow would be much better. 

 

Life is not linear, neither is your journey nor your pain or your healings. It’s very random, so random that you find yourself in the craziest moments of highs and you will experience excruciating pain and deep-down lows. And how we let these times affect us, would decide our future. Do you plan to make life linear yes, we all do, but should we?  I suppose not coz the whole thing called life doesn’t just depend on you alone, there is time, place and there are family, friends, relationships, colleagues and many more people or the aliens who are unpredictable, annoying and lovable all at the same time.

 

Let us just be true to ourselves. Let it flow, go with the flow and get the most out of it,  juice the pulp as best you can, the love, the friendship, the companionship, the career, the achievements, the pain, the loss, a hot cup of coffee, a fresh brew, a great run or a killer workout it’s just amazing to feel everything completely and intensely. The learning process is rewarding and so is the giving, give out to the world, to the people nothing and no one stays forever. Just be in a fearless in the pursuit of authenticity as a human and never stop experiencing Life it has a lot in store, we just need to go grab them as we go. 

 

The most convincing sign that someone is truly living their best life, is their lack of desire to show the world that they are living their best life. Your best life will not seek validation.

 

Memories. Tears. Distance. Truth. Desires. Responsibilities. Relationships. Loneliness. Milestones. Words. Music.

 

Myself at 39. During a Disastrous 2020.

 

 

 

 

More from my Slate...

Often, it’s considered not quite comfortable, sometimes private topic to ask or reveal “The Age ‘as I am getting a year older myself, I thought I would revisit my age .... through the rearview mirror for a bit and to realize what I made of it and throw some words.

 

Age has been a blessing she has been nothing more than:

A collection of experiences.

Making new friends and losing old ones.

Knowing whom to trust and who stayed along with you irrespective of good times and bad, through thick and thin (you know Who I am talking about).

How many places you been to?

How many cuisines have you tasted?

How many rocks did you climb?

How much beer have you drink?

How much did you give?

How well did you spend (time and energy)?

How well have you loved?

and lastly: How much did you live...

 

Everything in this world has a measurement end of the day:

 

How many degrees did you achieve?

How much money did you earn or how fat is your paycheck?

How big of a house do you live in

How happy are you in your marriage?

How well are your kids doing yadda yadda...

Just a matter of time and everything I said the above will be measured, asked, judged ... that’s how it is, and by now you very well know what comes next, retirement, and its associated side effects of the last leg of life. So that is it. That is a perfect life and I do not want to know according to whom?

It is the people, the world / the society around you which is going to gauge, taunt or judge and torment you into knowing all the above so as to be called a perfect life lived. But who has got the recipe for it?

All of us have ended up doing something to make a living, our goals and our ambitions were different, and they will be, coz we all are not cut out from the same fabric neither we will be alike. Life takes us all in a weirdly random direction that none of us expect. We end up making choices and decisions and will be ending up in some corner of the world with people who we do not even knew. If not anything the Survival / Necessity / Responsibility /Passion would guide our moves largely and more likely we are a result of one of these four. While our habits kick in from the other side to define our lifestyle or health.

Growing old is inevitable, growing up is a choice and as we grow up, we become closer to ourselves and we tend have reduced patience for drama.  Aging transforms you into a lonely being and makes you glorify loneliness. Company of others becomes an effort that requires energy, courtesy, and many concealment and pretensions. So it’s very important to find someone with whom : we don’t have to conceal of what we were / are , we don’t have to pretend or try to impress , coz it takes a lot of effort and over the time becomes a pain in the rear as one day you need to draw the curtains and bare your soul to your partner. So, it is essential to find someone who understands our silence and not just our words.

Everybody has their own timing. To earn a degree, to earn the first paycheck, to start their own firm or to get married or to have a kid, no one can control or force these things. All you do is try with pure intention and genuine effort. Da Vinci was 51 years old when he painted the Mona Lisa.

Life itself is hard, sad, unreasonable, and irrational all at the same time, over the time so little of it makes sense and so much of it seems unfair. A lot of it simply boils down to the unsatisfying formula of good and bad luck. I personally don’t believe in Luck but for me it is the Timing- right time, right place, right situation and with right people is Luck, but what are the odds of all these stars aligning together?- let me leave that you to ponder on .

Do not do things that you know are morally wrong. Not because someone is watching, but because you are. Self-esteem is just the reputation that you have with yourself. You will always know. Nobody asked you to beat yourself up by doing things which are above yourself for the people who do not even care. A Priest can swear, vegetarian can wear leather shoes, do as much good you can and keep pushing forward. Always remember that the worlds heavy representation is not resting only on the decisions we make.

So be your full self, no holding back. It is about time you decide what warms your soul, do what makes you happy and try not to hurt anyone even when you have to say a No. If not anything you would sleep in peace and would not have any regrets!