I went to the bank of this river and sat near the stream of
words with a fishing rod, thinking I could
pick a few of them today, while I buried my feelings down under the words all I
think of is you- My younger self then began searching for him as the stream of
my words kept flowing into the river of thoughts meeting the Ocean of
Oblivion.
As I started missing my younger self I took a stroll back in the time while I took a peek out of the window, that window was right in the hall of the home we lived, in fact, the home consisted of two and a half rooms, I call it home because my mother made one out of it. I see a boy who was happy for all the reasons he is, and had no worry, hardly any responsibilities. Loved his mother immensely and I still do- the only thing that never changed while the whole world and everyone in it did.
Life seemed easy for this boy who was quite sure about what he wants to do with it, back then “imagination” was the only nation he lived in. I wanted to be a doctor and started studying hard for it. I still smile at those ambitions which never came true. Stagnated dreams are what I can say when those dried up puddles leave a mark, which continues till today. To be strong is a curse when you are in pain, hurt or sad your ego makes you mask your feelings. No one understands the real you, and that is a big price you must pay for being strong.
In the search of career and livelihood, I never realized when the so-called responsibilities kicked in and I wake up to 18yrs of working experience (corporate) - a train that never stopped. A train which carried all the needs of the family and still is on the track cooing happily station to station. All that I miss is the world around me, it was not as ruthless as it is now- or may be just I had to grow up to learn and realize how it truly has been?
I learnt we all must take one day at a time, we cannot rush. I learnt to love the sound of my feet walking away from people and things that are not meant for me. And what screws us up most in life is the “picture in our head of how it is supposed to be”. Hopeless romance towards life continues, but isn’t that what keeps us going? Everything is a pattern of life, but we cannot see the pattern because we are a part of it- delicious ambiguity so delicious that sometimes we end up finding corners in a circle and at the end of the day, most of time all you have is a moment and the imperfect love of the people around you.
My life did not come with terms and conditions just like yours, so I made mistakes. And It sucks how rest of the life and career depended on our most immature years. So, it passed and so did life, day after day everything seems the same, and just when you turn to a new calendar you know what changed?
One of the best and worst experiences was Silence. Silence in the midst of chaos, silence in heavy traffic on a peak hour, Silence when you are standing with 30 other people and blasting music and you don’t feel a thing, Silence that kills and pushes you around to the corner and no matter how many people are around. Silence at those 3 am Insomniac nights and Silence during all those failure and successes.
Let me leave you with a question
- what are we searching for Peace of Mind or Peace from Mind?
Cheers!
