Candid Confessions....

‘this moment’ - this is all we have, its painfully true but yes, if you think closely this is all we got. My yesterday is gone before I could plan on doing something, I am looking forward for tomorrow which I hope it to be better, in the verge of expecting tomorrows and regretting yesterday’s today is buried before it could breathe peacefully. Even though there are days I wish I could change somethings that happened in the past, there is the reason the rear view mirror is so small and the windshield is so big, where we have headed is much more important than what we’ve left behind.

Sometimes I feel if anyone thinks I have a good life? Or if anyone is praying on having mine as their life? I don’t know, a Child playing outside his home looks at a plane in the sky and dreams of flying in it, and the Pilot who is flying it badly want to come back home, it’s all about what’s missing and not what we have.

As I get older year after year I realize, that If you are not happier as you get older, that means you are totally fucking up. That reminded me that the only time I should ever look back is to see how far I have come, where did I start and when and why?

Being selfish is good sometimes, no matter how much you be available for people, they will just remember you only when they need something from you, that’s how the world is. I am selfish too and I am a lesser mortal and I am selfish abut how can I be happy in my own life, only then I can make people around me happy, At least I know that I cannot pour from an empty cup.

I am homesick sometimes, I just don’t know where the home is. There is this promise of happiness out there. I know it. I even feel it sometimes. Where my silence is understood and my soul is comforted, I don’t need to explain anything to anyone, where I can totally be my own true self and breath, That’s home, that’s what I am sick of, to an extent that it is like chasing the Moon, just when I think I have it, it disappears into the horizon.

It is both blessing and a curse to feel everything intensely, I take it as blessing, because its only later I find that I am cursed. I say that’s the beauty of life, and I will be this. I am who I am. Not who you think I am. Not who you want me to be, I am me and I think, therefore I exist.

Some do drugs, some smoke weed, there is a guy in the lane drinking his way down like fish, there is someone else running in the noon with heavy music playing in his ear phones, at the end we’re all just searching for that tiny little hole that gives us shelter from the terrible reality of the world.

Accepting everything and everyone as they are, was the best way to live according to me so far, at the same time it is taken as if I am giving up on things and people just by accepting them and without making an effort to change things/ people, can we really have control over these for once? Let me end this here flipping a couple of switches in my head pondering over this words and I would still remain a rolling stone stuck in between dreams and destiny.